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Introduction

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This introduction is a continuing project. It will change as I write the book so that everyone can see the process I use for writing the book.

Last update: 07/05/2016

Introduction

A special note: In this book, no real names are used to protect the privacy of the subjects. The names of the pets and their stories are very real. This book isn’t advice from some sort of expert or Bible genius. I am a normal everyday person who happens to have experienced some remarkable events in my life.

The lessons of life can be easy or hard, depending on the circumstances or how well we listen. They’re messages that we get through the realization of the conclusions we draw from what we see, hear, smell and experience. Every major event in our day to day living of life is there to teach us something, tossing it’s lesson into the bucket of experience. How well we listen and whether or not we learn from those experiences are equally as important as to how well we pass that knowledge on to other people.

Do you have a “bucket list?” If you’ve never heard of one, it is a list of things you want to do before you die. I had a bucket list which had all the items checked off but for one single item which more than likely will not happen. They couldn’t get me the flying car they promised by 2000 and I doubt anyone will have cheap seats on a rocket ship in the near future. The problem is that there has some changes to my list.

You might think it odd to write about a bucket list in the introduction of a book about companion animals and grief but there is actually a point to this. I’ve come to realize over the past few months that there are some things that I didn’t realize that I wanted to do and experience before I die. For instance I never ever thought that I would experience the joy of having grandchildren. Now I find that I’m looking forward to it, step or not, it’s hard to contain my excitement at the prospect of it. Well, not the diaper part. I have, however, experienced the death of someone I watched grow up; not something I would qualify as a bucket list contender but still an important life event. On the other hand, everything I experience I try to learn something from, including the loss of a loved one, be it animal or human. Death is part of life. How we approach grief and the entire gamut of emotions that go along with it is equally as important as how we approach life.

This book started out as a story about one specific event in my life, the death of a good friend and companion. I quickly realized that in order to tell you this story, I needed to back up and start with events and experiences far earlier in my life, events and experiences that shaped me into who I am and even more importantly, what I’ve learned along the way.

I remember events from as early as two years old; my mother’s white three legged cat, the neighbors attack Geese. My grandfather’s metal shop and his German Shepard, my grandmother holding me up to the intercom to his shop to call him for dinner. I remember when I was three years old, my grandfather making the bricks for his new house. Yes, making his own bricks. I had assumed for much of my life that everyone remembered things from their very early life. In an article in Psychology Today, “experts” say that as we get older, our earliest memories start at 6 years old ¹. I assume then, that at age 57 and still remembering these memories, I am somewhat out of the sphere of normal humans. The next part of my plan for this book is how to tell it and how to write it. Some parts of this book will read like an essay and some like a first person narrative. You should be able to tell which are which – my direct memories and experiences are first person and my opinions and what I’ve learned are essay like, but I have strived to keep everything informal as I write, rewrite and rewrite some more.

I have done my best to be as detailed as possible, to impart as much of the emotions, observations and experiences that I have taken part in. Much of this potpourri I have never addressed before, even in my own mind, however these are the memories of what I have witnessed, many of which I would not wish on anyone. This is the story of what I experienced that I would hope and pray that everyone could experience, for it is our experiences and what we learn from them that makes us who we are.

I’ve also discovered something about my life that I never realized before – something that appears to be as important if not more so than the base of this book. It may have happened to you and you didn’t realize it either.

In this book and the photos that go with it, you will find the truth that I have learned over the months that have passed since the subject of this book, a cat named Ted Bird who passed away at 22 years old that the old saw, “What goes around comes around”. You will see similarities between pets from many years ago to those that live with me today. You’ll read and see that everything is indeed provided for us – all we have to do is ask.

I use the terms companion and service animals a lot. The ASPCA defines a companion animal as one that has close contact with humans on a daily basis. A service animal is specially trained to provide disabled humans with abilities. Both are important. Both provide both mental and physical stability to humans.

In October of 2015 we lost a 22 year old cat, Ted Bird. The events surrounding her passing is the catalyst for this book in that I was presented with irrefutable evidence of love and an answering of prayers that has reawakened my faith like nothing else before has. That is not to say that if you don’t believe in a higher power or God that this book will be not be instructive for you.

In 2005 while on vacation in northern Michigan, I was bitten by a spider on the inside of my left elbow while sleeping. Even after I cleaned and disinfected the bite, the damage was already done – I had a bacterial infection in my left elbow that, after 2 days, had made it’s way through my entire body and was hospitalized for three days. During this time, I was given an IV of a strong antibiotic. Once released, I was instructed to take the capsule version of the antibiotic for thirty days at a high dosage.

That antibiotic was what is known as a fluoroquinolone and does in many cases cause what is called fluoroquinolone toxicity syndrome. In my case, the syndrome didn’t make itself known until I contracted a lung virus in 2012, the result of which was DNA damage and damage to my brain, cardiovascular system and a whole host of various problems, the problems with the brain being the worst issue. The end result has had several effects – I can no longer talk effectively, have difficulty understanding what people are saying and other sundry problems. The worst part (depending on how you look at it) is that my emotional responses are amplified in any given situation. This book is about my reaction to the grief associated with losing Ted Bird and what I’ve learned along the way.

Writing this book has taken me down paths that I had never considered important before from what the Bible says about animals to the relationship that pets have with people and other sundry topics such as the Lexington Attachment to Pets Scale.This book uses my faith as it’s staring point because it plays an integral part of how I approach the subject of the end of life. The Merriam-webster dictionary defines faith this way:

Full Definition of faith

1. allegiance to duty or a person : loyalty b (1) : fidelity to one’s promises (2) : sincerity of intentions
2. (1) : belief and trust in and loyalty to God (2) : belief in the traditional doctrines of a religion b (1) : firm belief in something for which there is no proof (2) : complete trust

Faith plays a major roll in the lives of humans. It doesn’t matter what religion you are a member of. It doesn’t even matter if you don’t have a religion. At some point, faith plays a roll in what you do, believe and how you interact with the world around you, whether it be secular politics, your belief in a creator or in your family.

We humans go through life with some fundamental beliefs that guide us as we go from point A, our birth to point B, our death.

What we do is codify our basic principles so that we can understand the world around us, how we operate in that world and how we interact with it. And in the end, we all have a common goal. The common goal of most humans is what we call a good life. That life, for many of us, includes “lower life forms” or our companion pets.

The basic belief that I have is that our pets and ourselves both have one very basic element in common: We live in the same enviornment, experience the same events and for the most part communicate with each other. That communication is the framework of this book. I have been fortunate enough to have a wonderful gift of being able to communicate with the pets that I have had the honor of knowing. Sadly, I did not realize this gift until the latter portion of my life.

This book is written from my perspective as a Christian using my faith, knowledge and experience guided by observation. I’ve done my best to separate the religious portions of this book from the rememberances and lessons I have learned along the way.

Whether or not you believe that we are created by God, that is your belief. Everyone has their own beliefs and their own level of faith in what they believe. Just because you do not follow the same path that I do should not make this book any less entertaining or instructive for you.

If you have had the pleasure of owning and living with companions we know as pets you may have had the experience of realizing that just a few of them, inside that head waiting for the next bowl of food, there is “someone home”, that in some way, somehow, there is a higher level of understanding than a normal animal. It has been a true gift that I have known several of these wondrous animals. They are more than just pets, they are friends, companions and like our children. When they pass away, we are emotionally bereft of hope and journey into despair.

I started this project as a self help book – to help myself deal with a personal event; that of losing a beloved pet, Ted Bird. The anguish and pain was like nothing I had ever felt, through all the losses of friends and family during my life, nothing had affected me as much.

Even though this was an expected death, the poise and love that I experienced on the day that she died along with events and situations that I can only attribute to God’s spirit being present, brought me to a precipice of a grief so complete, so painful that I had no choice but to take every ounce of who I am straight to God and beg his mercy and pray for his help.

That help came quickly and directly. There was no need to interpret meanings; there were no ideas just out of my grasp. I asked and God provided.

When I started writing this book, I really had no idea as to how I was going to distribute it – or if I was even going to attempt to. Given the pain of reliving some of the most sad and depressing times of my life, it is very, very difficult to write about this topic that is so private to so many of us.

Whether or not you believe in God, I hope and pray that when you find yourself in the situation of having to let go of a loved one that has passed away, whether it be a human or a pet, that you will find solace in what follows.

Over the course of writing this book, I became aware that there are many other people that have had the same experience, which is why I started this project. What I want to do is help people that are experiencing the pain and grief that comes from the loss of a companion as well as help other understand what we go through during the grieving process.

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